No Comment

Improve communication with your wife and add to world peace!!!!

patriarchy

I just finished re-reading bell hooks' book on love (it's called Communion). I had forgotten about bell since my 12th grade women's studies teacher Mr. Coleman first introduced her to me. Her writing really speaks to me. She brings up a lot of interesting ideas about communication, love, and partnerships/relationships. One of her premises is that a man or woman's search for love is valid but that this quest is undermined in our patriarchal society.

When I was back in DC, I saw a lot of family dynamics that made me quite sad. Not my family's, but my boyfriend's. Relating back to bell hooks' book, she discusses how men (and women) sometimes do not have the "ability" or tools to love.

We were back in DC because Marcos' mom was getting remarried. The situation became a bit odd since we were staying at his dad's house. I feel sorry for Marcos' dad. He's such a stereotype of all latino men (sorry to say that). It's tragic. He lectures instead of having a dialogue, he never asks questions and he always has all the answers. The effect of this behavior hurts everyone in the process. People don't get enough attention.

Children need a lot of attention. Parents need to ask a LOT of questions. They need to show interest. It can't be faked. Children don't care how smart/accomplished parents are (up to a certain point).

New perspective on life

So I'm in DC for a short time and I have a whole new appreciation for it (big surprise here). It's really a beautiful city and I think I took its beauty for granted when I lived here a year ago. Sure, the people have dumpy clothes and it's full of all of the ex-class presidents/student council presidents, but I can deal with it here.

I was reading an article that asked readers to rate whether they believed "DC sucked more or less than Boston". The whole premise is laughable and ridiculous but entertaining nevertheless.

I'm enjoying my break away from Memphis and getting more work done here. All I can say is this, 99% of women who live in DC, NY and even the west coast would not survive one month in Memphis. Yes. One month.Take my boyfriend's cousin (who is a woman). She routinely tells off bouncers, her boyfriend, and anyone else along the way...but is beautiful and gets away with it.

Despite my negatively spouted freely on this blog, I am actually able to contain my dark cloud when I'm around others. However, I learned that unless you are saccharine sweet to men in Memphis, you will be treated as an "uppity woman". And, apparently, there is no greater sin in the South than to be perceived as an "uppity woman." Just ask Hillary.

Wrong: Go into an auto body shop and ask "insolent" questions like, "When will my car be ready?"

Right: coyly curl a lock of hair, flutter eyelashes, show leg and ask so demurely, "Heyyyyyyy honey.........Ah've been waitin' for you.....and my car.......Now when are you going to be a big boy and get my car revved up?"



You had told me that it would be done in 15 minutes on the phone 5 minutes ago."

i like fries

I admit it, I'm falling head over heels for them...

Reelfoot Lake and "Home Cookin'!"

OK, we were told that this was "home cookin' " which I now know is code for: "everything is fried food." We ordered 2 simple dishes and they came back with 6 plates full of fried fat--fried frog legs, fried oysters, fried fish, fried chicken, fried catfish, onion rings, fries, biscuits, and "hush puppies" (which are fried something.) It was literally a Bill Clinton meal (when he was in office) . Then, at the counter, they had king sized Snicker bars to go!!!



We went on a sunset tour of Reelfoot Lake yesterday. This is the site of the biggest earthquake of the Northern Hemisphere (back in the 1800s.) During this earthquake was that the Mississippi River floated backwards for 20 minutes and the result was this lake! The roots of cypress trees are visible ....it was very beautiful and interesting.

To Be A Proper Southern Lady

Following up to the post on how this is "the season of balls" in Memphis (the Princess Ball, the Zodiac Ball, etc..." I was given "feedback" from a professional colleague today (who is also an outsider to this community). She told me that I may be perceived as having "too direct of a style, I have an assertive vibe, and that that can be perceived as being pushy." She then said that she could "coach" me on being less assertive.

This is all very amusing to me. It's funny because I've gone from Berkeley/San Francisco to Memphis and Memphis perceives this as "pushy".

It's taken me this long to finally become a bit more confident in my abilities, and now I'm being told that I have to "tone it down." I honestly want to leave the South. Now. I sometimes dream of getting in my car and just driving out of the state as fast as possible. I would be so happy.

When I left for Memphis a few months ago, I spoke with a woman who had moved out of Memphis 20 yrs ago. She gave me advice which I scribbled dutifully on to the backside of an envelope. I shared it with my 2 southern friends and the three of us roared with laughter that last day in Golden Gate Park.

Here is the advice which she gave me on "how to make it in Memphis":

a) smile a lot
b) wear makeup and flirt during your interviews
c) if you have hair, grow it long
d) wear florals
e) wear skirts
f) wear pastels
g) learn to talk slow and be respectful of men

I almost puked when I heard this. I actually thought to myself, "there's no way it could be this bad."

First of all, I "get" the whole non-aggressive thing. I don't even like aggressive or even slightly pushy people myself. The thing I don't like about the South is that it's not even necessarily laidback, it's just slow. Everything.

I also get the whole polite thing and I dig that, too. When I hear or talk to people from DC now, I hear how their voices are more strident and negative. For example, I remember when I first talked over the phone with a woman from DC, I thought, "why is she in such a bad mood?" I always thought that, even when I had been living in CA for a long time.

The other thing about Memphis is that there is a huge schism between the "cool" kids (the musicians) and the rest of the community. All the cool kids stick together and the floral crowd sticks together too.

Princesses, Weird Necks, and Other Interesting Buildings